


It’s My Fault

by greettheworld



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-11-13 05:32:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18025643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greettheworld/pseuds/greettheworld
Summary: After a heated argument with Buffy and TJ, things with Cyrus gets awry.





	1. It’s not you

Wednesday. It’s been almost two weeks since costume day. Cyrus was still avoiding TJ despite the latter’s attempt at explaining. The slightest acknowledgement from TJ would activate Cyrus’s defense mechanism - which solely consists of head turns, ignoration and speed walking. Some particular instances would include hiding behind his bestfriends, Buffy, Andi and even Jonah. He also pretended calling his mom when he say TJ walk by.

Almost fed up by the two of them, Andi and Buffy decided to deal with the situation. Both of them came up with an idea. Andi came up with an optimistic idea. She suggested that they should make the two of them reconcile in hopes everything goes back to normal. Buffy, on the other, had a more radical plan: stop TJ from bothering Cyrus for the reason that it’s not healthy for either of them to act that way. Andi was apprehensive at first, stating that TJ’s attempts at talking was sincere, but, in the end, they came to the conclusion that it’s necessary. It may be harsh, but it’s what’s best for Cyrus.

“Let’s talk to Cyrus first, please?” Andi pleaded. “I feel like he really wants to talk to TJ. There’s just something stopping him.”

“Alright,” Buffy replied. “And if he still says no, I’m talking straight to TJ.

-

Thursday. Pretty much the same as it always is. The friends attended their respective classes as usual and as like the past two weeks, TJ still tried to talk to Cyrus and as always, the latter dejected him.

Due to an error in scheduling, the boys’ and girls’ basketball team are quarelling on who to get to use the gym that day. The team captains, Buffy and TJ, tried to be civil and talk privately about the matter. They went to the lockers to talk.

“We have a game against Northmont on Saturday!” TJ raised his voice. “Is that hard to understand?”

“You have used this place since Monday!” Buffy answered. “We’ve been practicing outside since then.”

“Well, get used to it!” TJ said. “We deserve to practice here because we actually get to win out matches unlike your team.”

Buffy was taken aback by the audacity of TJ’s statement. Never in a long time has she been this mad at TJ. In a fit of rage, she said, “This is why Cyrus hates you!”

TJ’s breathing stopped for a moment as he stood there in silence.

“You’re way too selfish,” Buffy added. “You just think about yourself. You never think of other people before saying or doing anything. Two weeks! He’s been avoiding you for two weeks! Take a clue!”

Silently, TJ clenched his jaw. Buffy’s first statement got stuck in his mind. His tongue clicked as he nodded.

Slowly, TJ walked closer to Buffy. She, on the other hand, stood her ground. Quietly, he whispered, “At least I know that I need to own up to it.”

He slowly backed off and left the room. “You can tell him he should say that straight to my face,” he said as shut the door close.

In a loud and angry voice, Buffy heard TJ instructing his teammates to move outside to the open court. As the sound of the shoes squeaking in the court slowly faded, Buffy started to realize what she had done.

-

Friday, the next morning. Two weeks after costume day. The three of them sat down quietly in the courtyard. Buffy hasn’t informed the two of them about what had happened yesterday. She was waiting for the right time to tell them.

Andi decided to break the ice. “About TJ-”

Cyrus perked up. He wanted to walk out of the conversation, but knowing he can’t do anything with Buffy beside him, he sat put. Nervously, he looked around. “What about him?”

“Why wouldn’t you listen to him?” Andi asked.

“It’s annoying us too,” Buffy said. “You know that, right?”

Cyrus groaned while his eyes scrunched. “I just don’t want to be friends with him anymore,” he said with conviction.

“Why?” Andi incessantly asked.

“I just don’t,” he replied. The feeling of anger, betrayal and disappointment covered his face - very unusual behavior from Cyrus. Even Buffy and Andi rarely made Cyrus feel this anxious.

Andi went for a more direct approach. “Are you jealous?” she asked.

Cyrus gave Andi a sharp, piercing gaze as if she struck a nerve. “No!” he blurted. “Of course not!”

Cyrus realized what just happened. His face immediately turned red, while his anger turned into shame, regret and guilt. He immediately felt guilty for raising his voice. Quickly, he asked for their forgiveness.

“I’m sorry…” His voice bashful and meek.

Fortunately, they understood the situation, but they’re still determined to get an answer.

“Well…” Andi repeat the question. “Are you jealous?”

Embarrassed to answer, Cyrus bashfully looked down. Quietly and slowly, Cyrus nodded.

“I just wanted some time to think - to know what I really feel.” Cyrus let out a deep sigh.

“It hurts,” he said with sorrowful eyes. “I was our thing. It meant a lot to us - to me. Then seeing him with someone else. I-” he shook his head. “I wanted to talk - I swear, but I can’t.” He looked at Andi. “I’m scared.” His eyes started to well up. “I’m scared of what he might say.”

Andi held his hands. “What are you scared of exactly?”

“What if he tells me he likes Kira, or what if he tells me inviting me to a costume with me was a mistake? ”

“Cyrus listen to me,” Andi said affectionately. “He’ll never be this persistent with you if he meant to hurt you. We can come with you to talk to TJ. We’ll listen to his side. No matter what he says, we’ll be beside you, okay?”

Buffy sat restlessly beside them fully knowing the things she had said to TJ.

-

Fourth period. TJ and Cyrus had math class together. For past two weeks, TJ would sit beside Cyrus, greeting him and asking how his day was, hoping Cyrus would answer. Even before their misunderstanding, he would always ask Cyrus for help with the stuff he doesn’t understand. It was just recently, though, that Cyrus would ignore him.

Cyrus sat down at his usual spot, right beside TJ’s. TJ’s mean demeanor scared the guy that used to sit there just so he could sit beside Cyrus. Ever since then, no one ever dared to take it.

“Maybe I can say ‘Hi’ to him back, as a start,” he thought.

As soon as TJ entered the room, Cyrus’s gaze immediately locked to him. Usually by that time, TJ would’ve already greeted Cyrus - not today. Weird. Cyrus brushed it off.

He walked closer and closer, but TJ kept moving. He moved to a vacant seat at the back of the room. Cyrus thought nothing of it.

After class, went to meet with Andi and Buffy for lunch. As they were sitting, Cyrus told him about what happened in class.

“Maybe he’s just not feeling well today,” Andi said. Cyrus was inclined to agree. Meanwhile, Buffy was still quiet about the situation.

-

The rest of the day went on by and not once did TJ even acknowledge Cyrus. “Maybe he’s just not feeling well like Andi said.” “He has a match coming up so he must be busy.” Thoughts keep running in his head. “What if…”

“What if he’s given up?”

Cyrus sat down alone by the courtyard, deep in thought. After debating with himself, he decided that he doesn’t want to be scared with weird thoughts anymore. He’ll go to TJ and to talk.

Cyrus stood up and slowly walked towards the gym. It was late in the afternoon and the boy’s team are done with their practice for their game tomorrow. One-by-one, Cyrus waited for TJ outside as he watched each person on the team leave. Finally, after a few minutes, TJ was the last one to leave.

As he closed the gym door, TJ noticed Cyrus standing across him. Not knowing what to do, he looked down and away from Cyrus. He took a second before started walking away.

“TJ-” Cyrus called.

TJ stopped in his tracks and turned to him. “What do you want?” he asked in a stoic, blank tone.

“I-” Cyrus stood there silently, formulating on what to say next. The nervousness messed with his train of thought. The silence became unnerving for TJ. Not long after, his guilt got eaten up by anger.

“Now you wanna listen? Fine!”

“I’m sorry!” TJ shouted as he surrendered his hand into the air. “Okay?”

Cyrus gulped in shock. He had never seen TJ be this mad before. He perked up and leaned on the wall behind him.

“You know what? You’re right,” he said as he walked closer to Cyrus. “You’re right to be mad at me.”

Confused on what he’s talking about, Cyrus began to worry. “TJ, I just wanted to say-”

“I get it!” TJ face turned red in a combination of embarrassment and anger. “You wanted to tell me that I’m freaking selfish, and I’m freaking annoying, and I’m stupid as brick!”

TJ’s eyes started to glisten. “And I’m sorry for that,” he said in a frail voice. “I’m sorry that I’m not the friend you expect me to be.”

Cyrus grew more and more concerned for TJ. He’s confused on what’s going on. “I’ll never say those words about you.”

“So…” TJ tilted his head. “You just casually talk about it with Buffy and the others, right?”

“No-”

TJ took a step back. He nodded his head and wiped the forming moisture in his eyes. “Don’t worry. I won’t bother you anymore. Thanks for your time,” he said with a defeated look in his face.

Cyrus was paralyzed with everything that just happened. He just watched TJ as he stumbly walked away.

He reached for his phone, calling for Andi and Buffy to ask for help. Being supportive friends, the agreed to meet. With a lot to process, he made his way to Andi’s.


	2. Don’t Worry About Them

After a slow and quiet walk, Cyrus finally reached Andi’s apartment. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door. His arms felt weak everytime his hand connected with the door. No more than a minute later, Andi came to answer.

When Andi and Buffy opened the door, she didn’t expect a miserable looking Cyrus. His face was covered in sweat and his eyes was obviously on the verge of flowing - this is the most miserable they saw Cyrus. They immediately let Cyrus in, telling him to sit down to console him.

“What happened?” Andi asked.

“I went to TJ to talk to him,” Cyrus answered. Slowly, he explained what happened at the gym. Everything to what TJ said to what he felt - no details spared. All Throughout Cyrus’s sharing, As Andi intimately listened, Buffy felt incredibly uneasy. She kept silent because she’s certain how they would react.

Buffy had suspicions that TJ felt strongly about Cyrus. She knew, in one way or another, TJ had feelings for Cyrus. In the heat of the moment, she used Cyrus to win over their argument. Now she realized what she’s done is villainous, especially considering Cyrus recently shared his feelings for TJ. Hearing them talk slowly and painfully breaks her heart. As every second passes, her wanting to talk grew more and more.

“I wouldn’t say ‘hate’,” Andi defended. “I would’ve even forgiven him if he just asked for it.”

“It was as if he was sure that we were talking badly about him behind his back,” Cyrus said. “Even if I tried, I can never say anything mean about him.”

“I-” he paused. “I like him,” Cyrus said, worried and defeated. “I like TJ”

Andi and Buffy’s eyes widened. This is the first time Cyrus admitted his feelings about TJ.

“...and I’m jealous,” he added. “And I’m disappointed, but I was never angry at him.”

Cyrus leaned forward. He planted his face on his palms. “What did I do?” he kept thinking to himself. Andi, feeling bad for his friend, tried her best to console Cyrus by rubbing his back.

“It’s going to be fine,” Andi said. “Today’s probably just not his day. I can help you talk to him again tomorrow.”

“I don’t really want to bother him for a while,” Cyrus said. “Maybe I just need some space myself.”

“Okay,” Andi nodded. “We’ll be a text away if you need our help.” Andi looked at Buffy. “Right, Buffy?”

Buffy gulped.

“It’s my fault,” she said in a faint, frail voice. “I told TJ those stuff.”

Shocked, Cyrus and Andi looked at Buffy with haste. They were speechless - maybe they just misheard her. “What did you say?” Andi asked.

“I told him that he was too selfish,” Buffy said, recalling her last quarrel with TJ. “That he just thinks about himself; and that Cyrus hates him.”

“Buffy!” Andi exclaimed while Cyrus’s jaw was agape. “Why would you say that?”

Buffy can’t maintain eye contact with them out of pure guilt. She bit her lower lip. “We were fighting over scheduling for the gym. I got so mad at him, I said those things to get him off my back.”

“You can’t just go around saying those serious things,” Andi scolded.

Buffy nodded, never denying to what Andi had said. “I didn’t know what to say,” she reasoned. “I just can’t let the boys’ team hog the gym.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of ways you could’ve negotiated with TJ and the coach,” Andi refuted. “That’s the worst thing you could’ve said.” “Because of that, look at what happened,” she added, looking at poor Cyrus sitting between them. “Consequences, Buffy. Words like those have serious consequences.”

Cyrus face was covered in defeat and disbelief. He can’t believe that his best friend would use his name like that. With his eyes shut tight, Cyrus stood up, unable to wrap his head around everything. “I’m going home,” he said.

“Cyrus…” Buffy remorsefully said. When Cyrus was leaving, Buffy stood up to follow him, repeatedly calling out for his name. As the boy opened the door, Buffy grabbed his wrist to stop him. “Please don’t leave yet,” she begged. “Please…”

The boy hesitantly turned around as tears welled up in his eyes. “What am I supposed to do now, Buffy?” he asked. Whether that was rhetorical or literal, it was up to Buffy to interpret. “I can’t handle people being mad at me and you know that!” he added. “Especially if it wasn’t my fault.”

Buffy’s grip loosened, enabling Cyrus to break free. “I’ll just sleep it out,” he said. “I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow.”

-

Cyrus’s eyes felt heavy - tired, and yet, he can’t sleep from overthinking. His senses was overloaded. Every bit of sensation just annoys his to no end. Everytime he closes his eyes, tears just start to build up.

Cyrus reached for his phone to hopefully talk to Andi. He looked at the list of his recent messages his gaze got stuck on one person: TJ Kippen. He opened their conversation instead. Impulsively, his fingers started typing letters.

“Can we please talk tomorrow?” Cyrus texted TJ. With what Buffy said, there’s no way TJ would talk to them now, but deep down, he hoped - he wanted TJ text him back.

“Why did I do that?” he asked himself after realising what he texted. “Why am I being so stupid.” “Even if he replied, I’m sure he’s still mad at me.”

After passing some time, texting with Andi about what Buffy had said, a message from TJ arrived.

“I have a game tomorrow,” was said on the notification on the top of his screen.

Cyrus’s heartbeat raced immediately. It was oddly tamed compared to what he was expecting. He breathed out a sigh of relief.

He immediately opened up to their conversation.

Cyrus: Where’s your game gonna be at?

TJ: School. Gym.

Cyrus: Can I come and watch?

TJ: Up to you.

Cyrus: What time?

TJ: 9:00 PM.

TJ’s replies was short and concise.

Cyrus sighed. He knew he should be straightforward with TJ, but he wanted to talk to him personally.

Cyrus: Can we talk afterwards?

Cyrus: Please?

TJ: And bad mouth me again? No thanks.

It felt like a needle prick his heart.

Cyrus: Please.

Cyrus: I’ll do anything. I just need to talk to you.

TJ: Anything?

Cyrus: Anything.

TJ: Okay.

Cyrus: Alright.

Cyrus: See you tomorrow.

He was relieved. At least TJ still talks to him. After thinking about it some more, he got more nervous. Maybe we can figure things out tomorrow.

-

1:45 PM. The gym was full of spectators from both Jefferson and Northmont. Both schools had made their respective signs and chants to cheer for their team. Cyrus, without his friends, sat on the front seat.

The players relentlessly went back and forth the court. The ball kept passing from one player to another - from team to team - back and forth. All the rules, violations, and tricks was a blur for Cyrus - he never was a man of basketball - or any sports for that matter. What matters, though, was one specific player. He was mesmerized by a certain someone - TJ.

TJ played his heart out that game. His exhaustion was visible. He’s been in court longer than anyone else - he scored more than anyone else. Every shot at the ring had an added flair as if he was impressing the crowd - or at least someone in the crowd. The game ended with 68-50, in favor for Jefferson. TJ scored 36 points for his team, earning him the title of MVP.

After the game, the team retreated to their locker room to talk. As the crowd dispersed and the gym emptied, Cyrus sat by the bleachers alone, waiting for TJ. Same as the day prior, Cyrus sat quietly as one-by-one, TJ’s teammates leave the gym.

Eventually, TJ stepped out of the locker room, slowly walking by. Cyrus stood up and called for TJ’s attention. “Teej-” he faintly yelled. Fortunately, it was enough to get the other boy’s attention.

TJ stopped in his tracks and immediately looked at Cyrus. Both of them stood still, looking each other silently. No other noise can be heard in this otherwise echoey gym. The two shared the moment in complete silence - different from what they usually do.

Cyrus inchingly stepped closer to TJ, none of them mouthing a word. Each step from the bleachers made Cyrus more and more anxious.

Despite the size of the gym, the two stood in front of each other, inches apart. Cyrus hesitantly looked at TJ in the eyes. The other did the same.

“TJ-”

“I’m sorry,” before Cyrus can say anything, TJ cut him off. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“You didn’t deserve it,” TJ’s words were full of regret and sorrow. He can’t look at Cyrus straight in the eyes out of sheer embarrassment. “Everything was my fault - everything you said was right. You’re right to be mad at me.”

Cyrus was perplexed at TJ’s honesty. Maybe it’s a good time to ask TJ for answers. “Why were you mad?” he asked.

“I-” TJ shook his head. “I don’t know. All I know is I felt scared that you were mad at me.”

TJ sniffled.

“Then why would you back out from in the first place?” Cyrus asked, stepping closer. “It was our thing, wasn’t it?”

TJ was silent.

“I was excited,” Cyrus continued. “I thought, for the first time, someone asked me to be partnered with them. It was always me expecting too much and then they’ll tell me it’s to cringy or embarrassing.”

Cyrus sniffled. “Is that also the case for you?”

“No!” TJ blurted. “Of course not…”

“Then why?”

“Because being partners for a costume isn’t what typical friends do,” TJ said.

“Is that a rule, or…”

“Isn’t it weird for two guys to dress up as their inside joke - as ‘their thing?’”

Cyrus was taken aback. “So…” Something clicked in Cyrus head. “You think it would look gay? Is that it?”

TJ’s eyes widened. He never thought Cyrus might say those words - he was speechless.

“So you think that’s wrong?”

“I never said it was wrong,” TJ clarified. “I never thought it was wrong.”

Cyrus’s gut wretched in disbelief. It was a conversation he wasn’t ready to deal with. He wanted it to end soon.

“Okay,” Cyrus just nodded his head. “We’re good,” he said in an obviously dissatisfied voice.

TJ didn’t believe it for a second.

“I got to go,” Cyrus made an excuse to leave. “I need to see Andi and Buffy.” He turned around and briskly walked to the exit.

“Cyrus!” TJ called out. “I’m scared, okay?!”

Cyrus stopped halfway to the door and looked at TJ. “...what?”

“I’m scared,” TJ said with his face full of worry.

“What will you be scared about?”

“I don’t want people to look at me differently,” TJ said. “They already know I’m stupid.”

“TJ-” Cyrus tried to sympathize with TJ. He does feel the same - he doesn’t want to be different - to feel different. Aside from Andi, Buffy and his parents, no one really knows about his secret. “I-”

“I like you.”

Cyrus’s eyes widened and his heart started pounding. He turned around to look at TJ and saw the boy’s face flushed with red. “What did you say?”

TJ dropped his head. “This is embarrassing…”

“I said I like you and I’m scared,” he completed his thought. “I’m scared what they’d think - what YOU would think. I already look different in everyone’s eyes because I have to take special classes. I don’t doubt that it’ll get worse if they know I’m gay.”

Cyrus’s face was also covered in red. His heart was racing, unable completely comprehend what TJ had said - he was in complete disbelief. “Did he really say that?” he thought.

“Say something Cyrus!” he kept saying to himself. “Anything!” Alas, though, nothing meaningful can come out his mouth.

“Ok…” was all Cyrus was able to let out.

TJ walked towards Cyrus. “I know you’re still mad at me - it’s justified, but I’m just glad you listened. It’s like I removed a heavy weight on my chest.”

“I’m done,” he sighed. TJ flimsily waved his hands. “I’m gonna go.”

Before TJ can put down his hands, Cyrus reached for it. Their palms and fingers connected. TJ, in shocked, stared directly at Cyrus who was also blushing as much as him. Slowly, he nudged his hand. His fingers are now between Cyrus’s. Nervously, both of them tightened their fingers, interlocking them.

With his other hand, Cyrus grabbed the back of TJ’s other hand. He raised it carefully towards his head. With the softest touch, TJ’s palms greeted Cyrus’s cheeks. Both of them breathing heavily.

They let go of their interlocking fingers, but TJ won’t remove his hand on Cyrus’s cheeks, but instead, he started caressing it with his thumb. TJ’s soft hands is preventing Cyrus from concentrating. Never has Cyrus’s raced this fast. Then again, he has never done this with a crush before.

“You don’t have to be scared of what I think,” Cyrus said softly. “I can never say ‘no’ to spending time with you.”

TJ faintly smiled for what his crush said to him. He could never be any happier at that moment, but unfortunately, he kept his excitement in check. “I’m still scared of what others might say,” he said.

Cyrus looked at TJ sympathetically. “You know…” He reached to hold out TJ’s hand one more time.

“I’m scared of them too.”

TJ bowed his head in understanding. He put down his hands to his sides, but he maintained his sights to Cyrus.

“But that doesn’t mean we have to keep it secret from each other,” Cyrus said. “What if…” he followed. “What if, for now, maybe we don’t worry about them. Maybe for now, it can just be you and me.”

TJ felt enlightened. Every ounce of doubt he has has been cast out. “Fine by me,” TJ chuckled.

The two of them stared at each other with wide bright smiles flashing from their faces, chucking like a bundle of crazy pair. “So this is what it feels like,” Cyrus thought.

With all the smiling and giggling, TJ broke the ice. “All this talking made me hungry,” he said.

“Or maybe because you just finished playing basketball,” Cyrus corrected.

“Eh. Debatable,” TJ replied. “Talking to you was definitely more stressful. Spoon? My treat.”

Cyrus shrugged with a smile on his face.


End file.
